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House-hunting in Australia is eerily similar to online dating – and I hate it!

Now that a million fluffy cushions have been strewn and we’re starting to feel fully settled in our new digs in Melbourne the horror of finding somewhere to live has started to fade. But only slightly! I made some very frustrated notes during the process on why moving house in Australia sucks and it occurred to me that many of the things I hate about house-hunting are the same reasons I hated online dating. From ghosting to getting pied* – here’s why moving house is just like online dating.

Sort of.

*I’ve been watching a LOT of Love Island

You spend an unhealthy amount of time on certain apps

I can never get back the countless hours I spent swiping through profile after profile of unsuitable boyfriends *ahem* houses. Even though I’d set up notifications to let me know when something that met my high standards came online I still opened the app and refreshed the search every hour – just in case a gem slipped in when I wasn’t looking. When one app wasn’t delivering the goods I signed up to a few more just to increase my chances. I formed an attachment to those apps that was far from healthy.

You become invested

After all those hours of swiping I’d finally find something that could be a goer. I didn’t want to get my hopes up but I’d read (and reread) the fine print, studied (and zoomed in on) the photos, done some online (Google street view) stalking and everything is looking very positive. After several hours of investigating I’ve started to imagine my whole life with this property – I’ve moved in, furnished the place beautifully and made friends with the local barista. In my head everything is going perfectly but then…

I haven’t moved in yet but in my head me and the local barista are bezzie mates

You get ghosted

Seriously, I’m at the point where I’m ready to hand over my money and ask this house to have my babies and yet for love nor money I cannot get hold of the agent at the property. I fell in love with houses that were 100% my type on paper only to find out they were no longer available. The worst ones were those who decided they wanted something else entirely (it went up for sale instead of rent) or just never got back to me for reasons I will never know but will forever haunt me.

They’re seeing other people

Then there were the ones I fell for and agreed to meet in person but it turns out they’re seeing a ton of other people at the same time. I rock up to the open inspection and there’s 20 other interested parties eyeing up MY house. I want to scratch their eyes out.

There just isn’t a spark there

You just know when you know. So many of those houses that seemed so right on paper just didn’t click when I met them in person. I can tell in 0.31555 seconds if a house is going to work for me, sometimes I don’t need to see the whole package.

House-hunting in Australia is just like online dating

So far so good in the study department

You have to pick from what’s available

So you start to realise that this house-hunting malarkey is not 100% about what you want. You think you have a wide playing field to pick from but, in fact, your choices come down to what’s available at the time you want it/ hasn’t just been snagged up by someone else minutes earlier. You realise you’ll need to compromise on some of the things on your ever-long wish list and be realistic about what is the right fit for right now.

You get pied

Unfortunately by opening yourself up to the possibility of long-term happiness there is also the potential for heartbreak. I’ll forever think about what could have been with that converted terrace that showed such promise but decided to go with someone else at the last-minute. Even though that charmer led us on for a full week before deciding to dump us I’d go back there in a heartbeat if they changed their mind.

You end up with something you never expected

I look around this 3-storey townhouse and think you’re nothing like what I imagined I’ll end up with. But things are going well so maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Only time will tell if this relationship goes the distance.

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