I Did It For The Gram: Faffing Around With A Floating Breakfast

I did it for the gram - floating breakfast in Bali

The butter was melted, the eggs now certainly overcooked, and if I didn’t hook the tray back with my toe in the next 2 seconds the whole thing was going to experience death by drowning. Or I was.

Floating breakfast in Bali

Our breakfast floats towards a watery end

We’ve all done things just for the Insta right? Ordered the OTT dish we didn’t actually want but knew would photo pretty – I’m looking at you everyone who has ever ordered a Fairyfloss Burger at Long Story Short Brunswick – or did the hike we weren’t physically prepared (or adequately dressed for) as the views looked amazing on Insta. (Story of my life, anyhow.)

Well, a Floating Breakfast is not just something you do for the ‘gram, it’s entire existence was created purely for it. Because, as I was to discover, eating breakfast in the pool sounds like a good idea, but is it in any way practical? Hells no.

Floating breakfast in Bali

Floating right out the photo

Our Floating Breakfast experience was a faff from the beginning – we couldn’t even get the order right. I spied the leaflet advertising the in-room Floating Breakfast as soon as we entered our swoon-worthy pool villa at the Royal Purnama. (A villa this jammy cow had won in a contest on Insta.)

Royal Purnama Bali

Pool area at the Royal Purnama, which we didn’t visit because hello private pool villa

Noticing that all other listed activities – High Tea etc – were priced per person I assumed the Floating Breakfast, listed as 575,000 IDR (£30/$53AUD), was the same.

As we had a perfectly adequate buffet breakfast included with our room I (wisely, I thought) suggested we order the Floating Breakfast for just 1 person (for the pictures, mostly) and then we fill up at the restaurant later if we’re still peckish. (Never one to shy from a breakfast double dip, me.)

High Tea at Royal Purnama

High Tea is served, rather sensibly, next to the pool. Not in it.

Floating breakfast in Bali

I did not eat my breakfast here

Justin made the call. “You want Floating Breakfast for just 1 person?” They asked, several times. “Yes,” he replied, because his wife told him to. They ended the call, Justin later admitted, sounding thoroughly confused, and then arrived at our door the next morning with a half full tray of food.

The sweet ladies began the surprisingly lengthy set up in our pool and when done asked me why we ordered for just one person. “The price includes two,” she told me. The penny dropped. We were about to pay $53AUD for 50% of the service. Red-cheeked, I said that yes, an extra coffee so that we could consume breakfast together would be nice actually.

Floating breakfast in Bali

The second coffee arrives 15 mins later

My Floating Breakfast Fail in Bali

In the meantime, Justin and I were left in peace to enjoy our unique experience. Who am I kidding? In the meantime, I made Justin take a million different photos I immediately hated (standard), the food was almost wiped out by a water feature (3 times), and my husband looked close to leaving me when I asked if he could be the model instead so I could show him the exact shot I needed.

The burden of being an Instagram Husband

Floating breakfast in Bali

Hubby becomes an unwitting model

Floating breakfast in Bali

And then it was my go!

I fretted about whether to be in the pool (and thus have flabby arms and cleavage exposed) or sit awkwardly on the side in a million-miles-from-natural pose.

Floating breakfast in Bali

I look like I’m in pain!

I jumped in the pool to save the food, out of the pool to wrap up for photos, sent Justin and the camera “back, back, BACK” until he was in our room and, no doubt about it, pretty much ruined breakfast for both of us.

When the rest of the breakfast we were paying for arrived, I told myself enough was enough. We hopped in the water to eat the sun-saturated food and tried not to tip the tray with every slice of the Eggs Benedict.

Floating breakfast in Bali

Still together, just…

Was it worth it? Well it depends if you value novelty more than practicality. Either way, the coffee was fabulous and I got a whole 22 Insta comments. Sigh.

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  • stella says:

    omg! now i dont know if i would want something like it! ans we are heading to bali soon!

  • Annika says:

    Oh my word – that is too funny! I like how you were trying to be frugal and almost paid that much for half a breakfast 😉 That could have happened to me…

    • Jayne Gorman says:

      I know right! I thought I was being so clever but Justin says that is the bit that still stings for him as we saw photos from other guests and we definitely paid $53 for less than the usual serving. Total communication fail!

  • Lara Olivia says:

    Hahahaha this blog post made me laugh! Oh man, story of our lives huh?

    Good on you for following through tho! I tend to give up far too quickly because, as my husband says, I have the temper of Tony Soprano and also, as I tell him, he is quite literally the worst photographer in the world. #bloggerproblems

    At least you had a proper breakfast before/after.

    • Jayne Gorman says:

      The funny thing is the first 3 photos were the ones I used so we could have skipped the whole failed photoshoot and eaten our brekkie before it melted. I like to say I’ve lived and learned but we all know that’s not true lol

  • Eloise says:

    Well, it does look delicious and you made me laugh a lot … so it’s not a complete fail at all! 😀 😀

  • Cassie says:

    While i like to think I wouldn’t do stuff for Instagram, I did give my kids ice cream in the bath and therefore also learn that hard way that food and water aren’t actually a great combination!

  • Kristine says:

    The laugh you brought made the experience worth documenting, lol! The things we do sometimes really just for the gram

  • Jessica says:

    Lol! I love the honesty and hilarity of this!

  • Katherine says:

    Ahaha I was just writing about this too. I’m guilty of going places/ordering food for the Gram. 🙂 But whatever, I’m still going to order a floating breakfast when I get the chance.

  • Caitlin says:

    I can totally relate to this as I find myself doing a lot of things for the gram in Bali and driving my husband bonkers in the process. Making him take hundreds of pictures of my swinging, check. Taking weird awkward photos of my in the bathtub, check. Spent a few hours posing with a floatie, check… Well you get the idea

  • Lizzie says:

    I LOVE this, it’s exactly what I would end up doing, and my insta shots always go wrong haha!! My boyfriend is a lot less patient than your husband though!!

  • hahaha this is so refreshing, we actually did a collab with an hotel and decided to make the F&B insta post at the pool. It’s the weirdest – most unnatural thing to sit in the pool with breakfast on the floor haha but the pic turned out pretty nice and luckily we could eat it at our table haha

    • Jayne Gorman says:

      It totally makes for a pretty pic, just not the most practical way to eat.! I think in our case we needed a shallower pool. And maybe not a fountain!

  • Frankie says:

    Oh Jayne, love your honesty and wit coming through here. These things we do for pretty photos! I honestly think something like this would have pushed my bloke over the edge (and out the door!) so props to both you and Justin for navigating the modeling and photo shot! I hope you got stuck in to the food eventually (or made up for it at lunch ;-).

    • Jayne Gorman says:

      I had to treat Justin to several beers and a decent meal to make up for it as there was not much eating at our breakfast!

  • Chandrika says:

    Hahaha loved reading this! I totally feel you! But your pictures look irresistibly delicious though and maybe I will give this a shot when in Bali 😀
    I have never ordered a floating breakfast but I did order one by a pool in the scorching heat of Abu Dhabi. The end result, the cold cuts on the plate had changed colour and the juices tasted like soup by the end of our photo-op! 😛

  • Oh, this is too funny! I hadn’t heard of a floating breakfast until now, but I don’t think I’ll be ordering one. Sounds like they’re more trouble than they’re worth! 🙂

  • Katherine says:

    I relate to this post so much hahaha. Reading it and showing my husband and he says “that’s you!” We owe instagram husbands big time. So funny, looked lovely though – hope you enjoyed your trip!

    • Jayne Gorman says:

      We did have an awesome trip once I put the camera down. If your husband ever feels hard done by you can remind him of this post hahaha

  • Ohoho 🙂 Good read but I could hear and feel your frustration. I could only imagine to eat such a breakfast while sitting at the pool but then I imagine it’s hard because the breakfast tray will slide more towards the middle of the pool so I think sitting in the pool and drinking a coffee it’s not something I want to do. But you are right Instagram tells us we need to do that. Or a blogger worlds got a bit crazy I think. And at one point it’s good to tell yourself stop and just enjoy the rest with your husband or boyfriend. I am happy to read you took him out for dinner and meet up with him.

  • omg dying!!! I can totally see myself doing stuff like this (actually the old me before I’ve had one too many “do it for the gram” fuck ups myself). Thanks for the laugh. The breakfast does look great and that pool!!! Best save those floating breakfast shots for those model girls who don’t actually eat it. LOL

  • Kylie says:

    Hahahaha! Sounds like the type of thing I would do! I don’t really get why it would be floating though, that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, it’s not like you can swim and have a munch at the same time! But it looks cool none the less, very unique!!

  • Aga says:

    Haha that’s hilarious 😉 I was always thinking how hard it must be to actually eat that breakfast in water!

  • Nicole says:

    Haha this is brilliant. I love that someone actually thought, I know what would be a great idea, a floating tray that we’ll serve breakfast on – totally practical, lol.

  • Love this, thanks for keeping it real, atta girl. 🙂

  • Lucy says:

    Haha, I love this! We do so much for the gram don’t we?! xo

  • Nicola says:

    Haha absolutely LOVE this! We recently went to Bali and were in a constant state of full from all the food we ate. Food there is made to be photographed.

  • Well, it does look delicious and i wish i coud try it out! Nice post!

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